B.A. Kaizer
by Teena M
Summary: Tying with Producers for silliest thing I ever wrote. The Kaizer wants a theme song, he wants Daisuke to help him with it, and Daisuke just happens to have a Pokemon CD with him.


Teena: Uhhh.... this is really, really weird and silly. I was listening  
to the Pokemon CD one day, and I realized how well some of those songs  
would adjust to fit Digimon... And this is what came of it. I know my  
characterization is way off, I'm just being silly. Yama? Disclaimer?  
  
Yamato: *rolls his eyes* Teena doesn't own Digimon or the Pokemon songs,  
she does own a copy of the CD, though.  
  
  
2.B.A. Kaizer  
  
  
  
In the shadowed darkness of the control room of his fortress, the mighty  
Digimon Kaizer, a.k.a. Ichijouji Ken, was brooding. He had finally realized  
that he was lacking something. Something truly important. Something ALL  
truly stupendous evil dictators had.  
  
"Damn it, I need a theme song!"  
  
"Master? I don't understand," Wormmon said, quietly confused. After all,  
how is a poor little Rookie supposed to understand the tremendous earth  
shaking importance of a theme song?  
  
"Of course you don't understand, you're an idiot," Ken snapped, surging  
to his feet. "But I know you've been watching my tapes, so you should   
grasp SOME of this. Think about all the really great villains. The ones  
people remember, the ones people actually like better than the heroes!  
What did they all have in common?"  
  
"Herbal Essences? I mean, they all have great hair..." Wormmon murmured,  
blinking his big blue eyes. Ken groaned and shook his head.  
  
"NO! Although, actually, they probably had that in common, too. But I've  
already got that. I'm talking about something I haven't got. They all had  
THEME SONGS! Songs that told everybody, whenever they were played, 'Hey!  
Cower in fear, the villain is here!' I need to get a theme song!"  
  
"How are you going to do that, Master?" Wormmon asked curiously. Ken   
looked at his monitors, and a truly evil smile formed on his face. On one  
screen, wandering along with his trusty partner, skipping and singing   
with the music coming from his headphones, was Motomiya Daisuke.  
  
"I'm going to recruit an expert."  
  
Inside of twenty minutes, Veemon was inside the dungeon, and Daisuke  
was being brought before the dire ruler, practically spitting fire.  
  
"Can't I go ONE DAMN DAY without you kidnapping me?!! What the hell is  
your problem?!"  
  
"My problem," Ken replied calmly. "...is that I don't have a theme song.  
You're going to help me rectify that."  
  
"...Wait a second. You're telling me, that you kidnapped me, JUST to   
help you find yourself a theme song?"  
  
"Exactly."  
  
"What's in it for me?"  
  
"You and your little blue pain go free afterwards," Ken replied airily.  
  
"Nuh-uh," Daisuke shot back. "That's happening sooner or later, no matter  
what. I want something a little more than that."  
  
"...Fine. Your little group of brats can have a song, too. We'll do two,  
one for me, one for you."  
  
"...Deal," Daisuke decided, tugging loose from the Digimon restraining   
him and holding out a hand. Ken smirked faintly and took it, and the  
two boys shook on it.  
  
"Any ideas?"  
  
"I've got something that's practically made to order," Daisuke declared,  
holding up his CD player. "We just have to make a few changes, and this'll  
work great."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"The first Pokemon CD. Trust me, it'll work. How are we gonna do this?"  
  
"Hmmmm.... Start it playing, the computer will transcribe automatically.  
We can use the keyboard to make the alterations."  
  
"Great, let's have it," Daisuke said, settling down with the keyboard on  
his lap. He set the CD player down with the volume on high and the 'phones  
near the computer, and hit play.  
  
I want to be the very best  
Like no one ever was  
To fight them is my real test  
To free them is my cause  
  
"Digidestined..."  
  
"Shut up, I'm creating."  
  
"This is NOT creating, this is modifying."  
  
"Close enough."  
  
I will travel across the land  
Searching far and wide  
Each Digiegg, to understand  
The power that's inside  
  
Digimon  
It's you and me  
It's my digidestiny  
Digimon  
You're my best friend  
In a world we must defend  
  
"See? This is obviously going to be a Digidestined song. Can we just move   
on?"  
  
"No way! We finish this one first, then keep going. After all, we agreed   
that my side gets a song, too."  
  
"I don't know why I agreed to that..."  
  
"It's my CD, and it's my CD player. Now let's get on with it, this   
is only the first song."  
  
Digimon  
A heart so true  
Our Courage will pull us through  
  
"That would be me... Okay, me or Tai."  
  
"And you say I'M egotistical. At least I have an excuse."  
  
"Shut UP."  
  
You teach me and I'll teach you  
Digimon  
  
Every challenge along the way  
With Courage I will face  
I will battle every day  
To claim my rightful place  
  
"...Wait. That second part seems to fit me more than you."  
  
"I'm still trying to really be the leader, so it works. At least YOU  
don't have to argue with Takeru over EVERY idea you have."  
  
"I suppose that works... Let's keep going."  
  
"Right."  
  
Come with me the time is right  
There's no better team  
Arm in arm we'll win the fight  
It's always been our dream  
  
"Hah. You wish."  
  
"We're GONNA win."  
  
"Not likely, Motomiya."  
  
"Argh... If we start fighting now, we'll never get this done."  
  
"Agreed. Carry on."  
  
"Yeah. Next song... I think this one's gonna be the one for you."  
  
"Hmmmm.... You may be right."  
  
I got 2 B the one the only one who can  
Withstand the test n' B the best n'  
Got to strive keep up the drive  
B a Kaizer  
  
"THE Kaizer, Motomiya."  
  
"Fine, fine..."  
  
B the Kaizer  
It takes a certain kind of skill  
And I won't stop until  
150 Digimon are mine  
  
"There are alot more than 150 Digimon."  
  
"Look, we're messing with the words, let's leave the numbers alone, okay?  
Besides, we have NO clue how many Digimon there really are."  
  
"Point taken. Keep going, this one could work."  
  
I must define the art of capture [of all Digimon]  
2 B the Kaizer...Digimon Kaizer I  
will be writin' a brand new chapter  
  
"Program."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I don't write books, Motomiya, I write programs. Just change it."  
  
"Picky, picky..."  
  
will be writin' a brand new program  
Dark Spiral Go...Go... [all the children sing]  
Na na na na na na na na  
Na na na na na na na na  
  
"That is so incredibly stupid."  
  
"Look, there's not much we can do with that."  
  
It's all about the evolution of the Digimon  
  
Na na na na na na na na  
Na na na na na na na na  
Dark Spiral Go...Go  
  
Got my glasses and my Dark Spiral  
Got my buddy Wormmon  
  
"Hold it right there, Wormmon is not my buddy. Change it."  
  
"Change it to WHAT?!"  
  
"Oh, give me that..."  
  
Got my lackey Wormmon 2 help me try  
  
"LACKEY? He's your Digimon partner!"  
  
"He's pathetic. He's a born lackey."  
  
"I want that back, give it here."  
  
"Whatever."  
  
2 catch 'em all  
gotta catch 'em all  
  
Yo it's all about the evolution of the Digimon  
The training attaining N' bein'   
part of the phenomenon  
B a Digi Kaizer icon  
  
"...What about the next line?"  
  
"I know EXACTLY what I want in the next line. Hand it over."  
  
Digidestined will B long gone  
  
"Oh, come ON!"  
  
"It's MY song, I can have that if I want to."  
  
"Oh, for... Give it back now."  
  
But first U gotta know about the different types  
Virus Data Vaccine Baby   
In training Rookie Champion  
Ultimate & Mega...  
Don't forget 'bout Omega!  
  
"Omega?"  
  
"Somethin' Tai told me about... His and Matt's Digimon sort of merged  
or something, fighting Diaboromon, and hit a new level. That's what they  
decided to call it."  
  
"...Are there any others?"  
  
"NO, not even that one now, 'cause Agumon and Gabumon can't get to Mega  
anymore. So don't get any bright ideas."  
  
"Damn..."  
  
REPEAT CHORUS  
  
"...I'm not typing that stupid chorus out again. We know what it is."  
  
"Agreed. Just keep going."  
  
Mmmm...Somewhat impressive  
Now you've reached your plateau  
But not yet a hero  
  
"We have to change that..."  
  
"Definitely, but change it to what?"  
  
"...Villain?"  
  
"......"  
  
"Forget I said that."  
  
But not yet a ruler  
  
"How's that?"  
  
"Good enough. Keep going."  
  
R U ready to meet and defeat...The Elite?  
Can I expect survival against your Rival?  
  
"Do you have a Rival?"  
  
"Sadly, you're about as close as I get."  
  
"Dude... Cool."  
  
"Motomiya..."  
  
"Typing, typing!"  
  
And remember...Gotta catch 'em all!   
Show me what you've got!  
Dark Spiral Go...Go...Dark Spiral Go!  
  
"Next song!"  
  
"Why? We have one for your group, and one for me. Isn't that good enough?"  
  
"C'mon, I'm getting into it now, I wanna rewrite the whole CD!"  
  
"What's the point?"  
  
"It'll be FUN! Onegai, Kaizer-cha~n?"  
  
"...You did NOT just call me that."  
  
"Yes I did! And I'll KEEP calling you that if you don't say yes!"  
  
"...Alright, FINE. Next song."  
  
On the road to the Digital Wo~rld  
On the road to the Digital Wo~rld  
  
We've built a team and we've been  
training all day long  
We're on the road and getting strong  
  
Now here's the plan:  
We're gonna head down to the forest  
Time to release some Digimon  
  
"Another Digidestined song, I see."  
  
"Looks like it."  
  
We keep on tryin'  
And then we try some more  
To stay together  
And find a place worth fighting for  
  
"So the Digital World as a whole isn't worth fighting for? I'll remember  
that."  
  
"There's no good way to change that line, it's not a statement of policy!"  
  
"You suddenly sound like a lawyer, Motomiya."  
  
"Geh... You ARE evil. You have to be, to tell me that."  
  
"Just keep going."  
  
I'm on the road to the Digital Wo~rld  
Meet my friends along the way  
We're on the road to the Digital Wo~rld  
I got a 'vice and the power to play  
  
"'Vice?"  
  
"Short for Digivice. I have to at least TRY to keep the same number of  
syllables."  
  
"But it sounds stupid."  
  
"So do I, most of the time. Now quit it."  
  
I left my home and now I see a new horizon  
But one day I'll come back to Odaiba  
I'm on the road to become the greatest leader  
And I won't quit until I'm #1  
  
"YOUR personal theme?"  
  
"Guess so... Well, next song!"  
  
"...Can we really do much with this song?"  
  
"Uh...Maybe not... It's mostly type advantages. Skip it?"  
  
"Skip it."  
  
"Although..."  
  
Reach higher with fire  
Go Flamedramon  
  
"Get rid of that, Motomiya. That one might translate well, but most of  
the other lines don't. The song is basically just a mnemonic."   
  
"Song AFTER the next song, then."  
  
Til the end I will be with you  
We will go where our dreams come true  
All the times that we have been through  
You will always be my best friends...   
  
"Wait, hold on, Motomiya, look at this song. This song doesn't NEED any  
changing. It's fairly generic."  
  
"...I guess you're right."  
  
"I'm always right. I am, after all, perfect."  
  
"And you were calling ME egotistical?"  
  
"As I said, at least I have an excuse."  
  
"Riiiight... Well, let's skip ahead to the next song..."  
  
"That one doesn't need changing, either..."  
  
"Okay, then-"  
  
"Neither does that one."  
  
"Geez..."  
  
"...And I'm not sure I even want to TRY translating the dance mix. It   
doesn't have many words, anyway."  
  
"Yeah, there's really no point. Next up is..."  
  
"Another one we can't really use. Team Rocket is a fairly specific   
reference."  
  
"I dunno... This could be the song for your Real World soccer team. I  
mean, they're your team, and everybody calls you 'The Rocket'..."  
  
"...Frighteningly enough, I actually see your point. But why bother?  
Let's just move on."  
  
"You're no fun, Kaizer-chan."  
  
"Stop CALLING me that, Motomiya... This is another generic."  
  
"Okay, moving on AGAIN..."  
  
Out here in the quiet of the night  
Beneath the stars and moon  
We both know we've got something on our minds  
We won't admit, but it's true  
  
"This is sickeningly romantic, and also generic."  
  
"This can be mine and Hikari's song!"  
  
"You're still slavering after that inane, fluff-brained pest?"  
  
"Hey! You can't say that about Hikari!"  
  
"Even if it is true?"  
  
"It's not true! ...Okay, maybe a bit fluffy, and a LITTLE inane... But   
she's pretty. And she's NICE, which is more than I can say for you!"  
  
"You'd be amazed at how nice I can be when I want to, Motomiya."  
  
"Yeah, as if. Next you'll be telling me you- Mmmph!"  
  
Daisuke stiffened as Ken cut him off with a kiss. He tried to pull away,  
but Ken grabbed his shoulders and held him. Slowly, Daisuke relaxed into  
the kiss, his arms creeping around Ken's waist. Ken gradually loosened   
his grip as Daisuke responded, shifting his hands to curl around Daisuke's  
neck. Ken flicked his tongue lightly over the other boy's lips before  
pulling back just enough to speak.  
  
"Still think you and Hikari are meant to be?"  
  
"....I've been wrong before."  
  
A predatory smile curled Ken's lips, and he leaned forward to continue  
the interrupted kiss. Daisuke opened his mouth willingly, and the two  
boys became engrossed in fevered exploration, the last lines of the last  
song playing, ignored, the computer dutifully transcribing them.  
  
Keep movin' forward to stay alive  
Trust your heart and you'll survive  
Follow your dreams, never let them die  
  
It's your destiny  
To spread your wings and fly.  
  
  
~owari~  
  
  
Teena: I think the bit with the last song is very dramatic. I like it.  
  
Taichi: It's YOUR fic, of course you like it!  
  
Teena: Go back and read some of my early fics for Pokemon, Taichi. I  
don't like most of them. But I like this, even if it is silly and pointless  
and full of bad characterization. And I am of the opinion that a boy of  
Ken's age in Japan, genius or no, would watch anime, which is what the  
tapes thing is about. 


End file.
